The days are longer.  Skirts are barely legally long enough.  Bikinis have taken the place of the need for any real clothing item.  Hell, the other day I saw an overweight fifty-ish year old man in dripping neon swim trunks buying a slushy, jerky, and candy bars at the 7 Eleven -gotta love Oklahoma’s small towns…wait that was in Norman.  And while I may have cringed uncontrollably at the sight of Mr. Heart Attack Waiting to Happen, I couldn’t really blame him. It was and still is sizzling outside.

There’s no better way to spend a hot sticky afternoon than by lying out at the pool.  As a recent college grad, I still have the pleasure of living in an apartment complex with a pool specifically geared towards me: water no deeper than 4 ft., volleyball net, lounge chairs, fire pit, and grill.  I’ve spent as many of my free days as possible melting as fast as a strawberry ice cream cone while looking at all the other tanners and swimmers through my Audrey Hepburn shades.

After many weeks of sunscreen, Mai Thais, and more sunscreen, I’ve seen ordinary as well as, cough, unnecessary pool/hot tub behavior.  My mother has constantly warned me about diseases I can catch from the hot tub, and after the amusing moments I’ve observed…I’m starting to wonder.  Enjoy, then go to the pool diseases or not!

 

Must Be This Tall To Enter

While the above can be found at amusement parks, I wonder if it should be listed at college apartment pools too.  You might not believe it, but last Wednesday while my friends and I splashed around late in the afternoon a swarm of four to five-year-olds invaded destroying all tranquility.  Okay, maybe it wasn’t a swarm, but it only takes three or four little screaming brats with floaties to make me swear off children completely.  All I’m saying is this, Lady Who Definitely Did Not Live In My Apartment Complex and Might Be   Related To Neon Shorts Guy, yes, the pool is a great way to keep from pulling your hair out when your kids begin to remind you of little gremlins, but get control of those gremlins-at least bring them when it’s late in the afternoon and no ones around, if not, I may be making my very own sign to keep you out.

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The Pool Does Not Qualify As A Room     

I didn’t observe this one first-hand, people.  It was actually seen by my past roommate, her boyfriend, and his roommates.  I feel sorry for their innocence lost.  Let me say this Bonk-Shika-Wa-Wa Couple,       whoever told you to ‘go get a room’ was not indicating that the hot tub/pool should be your next location for sexy time.  That’s right, my friends were hot tubing when Bonk-Shika-Wa-Wa Couple arrived and wasted no time getting friendly.  Of course, when the misses asked, “Do you think people do stuff in the hot tub?”, her partner in crime answered, “Baby, it jus’ happens.  It happens.”  After more swooning remarks like the former, Mr. Bonk was able to get his prey, the misses, to follow him to the pool…so they could be   alone of course.  I mean, it’s not like everyone in the hot tub could still see them.  I’m gonna keep it P.G. and finish painting this romantic picture by saying the following-do not have sexy time in a public pool/hot tub when others are around.  Sure you may enjoy the thrill, but you never know how much you might piss off onlookers, resulting in more of a thrill of the confrontational sort than you bargained for.  Bonk-Shika-Wa-Wa Couple was lucky, my friends were to busy laughing at their expense to do anything but leave the hot tub area and shower as quickly as possible.

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Don’t Litter…well, unless you want to leave me a floaty           

Oh, the joys of being free-spirited and inconsiderate enough to leave beer can after beer can around the pool grounds.  Like art you, Mr. Beer Belly, are creating a statement while representing the collegiate state of mind, which says you just don’t care.  I should appreciate your laziness of walking less than a foot to the trash can; I mean the pool would be a boring place if I didn’t have to walk around as if I were in a minefield.  Mr. Beer Belly, I should applaud you for supporting a cause so strongly.  Of course, your cause is really just an industry, and that industry is just a convenient store off Main with the cheapest beer, but it’s all relative.  Let me be serious for a moment and say without all the end of the day litter around the pool my friends and I never would have found an inflated hot pink raft and for that I am grateful.  Yes, Mr. Beer Belly not only leaves gifts in the form of empty pop and beer cans but in the form of floaties.  Because when he’s had seven beers, an inflated raft weighing less than a pound is just too much for him to carry       back to his apartment.  My friends and I were amused for at least thirty minutes with our free pool toy, so on one hand I’m grateful the raft was too heavy lifting, but then I remember the minefields, and I just want to push Mr. Beer Belly right into a stupendous belly flop.  Hey, a girl can dream.   

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One Too Many

The boy was crying, no sobbing.  His words were so muddled that my friends and I couldn’t understand him.  It was late at night, and we had gone to a hot tub that wasn’t our own–I won’t ever do that again.  You see poor One Too Many, as the name implies had in fact had ‘one too many’ and proceeded to try to hop the pool area’s fence being after hours.  I can’t completely condone the sad boy’s behavior because I was in fact, cough, in the pool area at the same time too.  But I was completely coherent.  Needless to say One Too Many’s foot swelled as he continued to bawl; he was injured from the jump.  His girlfriend attempted to get him to leave, but no, he wanted to stay right where he was.  We awkwardly smiled and acted sympathetic while encouraging him to go home, lie down, and ice his foot.  It was like dealing with those delightful four-year-olds I mentioned earlier.  He wouldn’t budge, and then he scared us to death. Sinking slowly into the water, One Too Many was soon face down like a drowning victim from the movies, but this wasn’t a movie, oh no, this was my carefree life.  We forced our guy friend to see if One Too Many was okay and not actually drowning.  Don’t hold your breath.  He emerged like a sea monster from the water right as my friend was about to tap him on the shoulder.  His girlfriend insisted he was fine, so we didn’t stick around to see if One Too Many would almost die again. Oh, sad boy this goes out to you, as I hope your not continuing to scare countless pool goers at this moment.

Well, guys that’s all I got…for now–sun burns: 1, diseases: 0, crazy scenarios: 4. XOXO

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hot tub, pool, summer