Sometimes reunion tours are awesome and necessary. When Rage Against the Machine announced they were patching it up, I jumped with glee: their sound and message was pretty desperately needed in rock. Meanwhile, other bands feel the same way, but it is simply not so. Here’s the top five bands who never, ever should have re-united.

5. Mr. Big. Mr. Big was a band from 1988-2002. They reformed in 2009, charging a whopping ninety-five dollars per ticket for their reunion show. I’m not sure that people ever really listened to Mr. Big. I think they just listened to the radio, and Mr. Big happened to be on it, power-ballading away. Either way, charging ninety-five dollars a ticket seems incredibly illogical for a band that I can’t even hum a significant hit by.

4. Ratt. The hair-metal of Ratt (who have gone thought not one but two reunions) is not necessary or even entertaining at this point in time, although their history of breaking up and reforming actually is really amusing. I wouldn’t put them on the list, but seriously. Two reunions? For “Round and Round”?

3. Creed. A flow chart, with apologies to my forebears:

Does the world need more Creed? —> yes —> you’re wrong

|                                                                                  |

\|/                                                                                |

No. <————————————-

2. Lynyrd Skynyrd. I was creeped out when I heard that they were reforming, because I thought they all died in a plane crash the first time. Which most of them did, but apparently not enough of them to retire the name permanently. So now there’s a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band running around in the world, saying they’re Skynyrd when they’re really just not. Even if an original member’s brother is the new lead guitarist. Saddens me, really.

1. Queen. I am appalled and astonished at the lack of integrity possessed by the members of Queen that allowed this atrocity to happen. The Doors have never been reformed (except under the name Doors of the Future, which isn’t the same) because Jim Morrison is dead, and he basically was that band. Same thing with Queen. Freddie Mercury was that band. To have it go on with the same name is a travesty and a farce. At least get Justin Hawkins from the Darkness to play Freddie. Geez. Worst reforming in history.

Subnote:

bands that have astonishingly never broken up: Poison, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath.

Subnote 2:

bands that actually did good by reforming: Deep Purple, KISS (they were always an entertaining joke anyway), Phish (just call it a hiatus, why don’tcha?).

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