Laziness vs. Love

I’m in this class called Sociology of Family (YES I’m a journalism student and YES I’m being forced to take a Soc class against my will…but I digress), and recently we’ve been talking about the dissolution of traditional values in the American family structure.

In layman’s terms, the divorce rate in the US is silly-crazy-high.

And there are all kinds of theories for why this is happening, ranging from an increased sense of self-importance to decreased social criticism of shackin’ up, but I don’t buy any of it.

To me, the issue of “I love you, let’s get married, for better or for worse, or until you piss me off” is founded in one of our country’s most deep-seeded and detrimental problems:

Outright laziness.

Because in America today, marriage and relationships in general aren’t about commitment, or working through problems, or supporting someone through thick and thin…they’re about instant gratification.

And when one person in a relationship isn’t getting enough lovin’ or emotional support or coddling or what have you, we automatically think it’s time to peace out.

But when I consider all the lonely divorcees and singles out there holding out for those perfect lovas who will never make them compromise, I can’t help but wonder:

Just how lazy are we?

Case and point.  My manfriend, Hunter, loves to hunt.  (Perhaps you can now guess from whence I got his nickname.)  And there’s nothing at all wrong with that, save for the simple truth that I love anything with fur and haven’t eaten beef or pork in over two years (not that Hunter hunts cows and pigs or something, but you get my point).

But he loves, loves it, and I pretty much think he hung the moon, so what am I doing about our little situation?

I’m compromising.

But though I feel fine about my decision, and despite the fact that I’ve actually accepted and embraced this whole hunting thing (I could go into Hunter’s surprisingly philosophical and endearing approach to the sport, but I sense you don’t really care), I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I’m giving in.  That I’m flip-flopping.  That I’m just fooling myself.

The underlying message in all this criticism is very clear:  “He likes to shoot animals, you like to cuddle animals.  Break it off.”

So my question to you is this:  since when is it socially acceptable to write people off because they’re not your mirror image?

Sure, Hunter and I are dating, and dating requires more similarities than do friendships.  But when two people have a lot in common but not everything, is it really status quo to say “sayonara?”

Are we so lazy that we can’t even fathom relationships that require us to work?

There are loads of people in this country who are married and should not be.  There are loads of people in this country who are in relationships and should not be.  But I don’t think that’s where our divorce rate comes from, and I don’t think that’s why we’re all finding it so incredibly difficult to create meaningful relationships.

I think we’re just entirely too impatient, and self-minded, and lazy to find lasting love.

It’s easy to be divisive; it’s not so easy to be dedicated.

So don’t go chasing your polar opposite, because my cynical side will always tell you that’ll never work.  But do stop waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect for You.  Nothing in this life is simple, and that includes finding someone to love.

But if you’re willing to work, and compromise, and support your significant other in differences as well as similarities, you might actually find real love.

And if you ask me, it’s always better to be loved than lazy.

Much love.

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  1. Michael
    01/11/2009 at 7:40 am Permalink

    I think it’s all because we’ve lost all sense of balance. Not only do we want personal instant gratification, we want it NOW. And if we don’t get it NOW, we figure it must not be possible and go looking again. We want our retirement plans to make is rich without risk. We want
    our house prices to be ver low when we buy and very high when we sell. And if it doesn’t happen, we make a change. Just like in our personal relationships.

    Balancing anything is difficult. Finding balance in anything is hard. Figuring out just what it IS is takes time and a WHOLE lot of energy. And it is not quick.

    I think we need to work on developing that thing called “patience,” too.

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