For those of you who follow my bloggings religiously (hi, Mom), this subject matter may bring to mind something I’ve complained about in posts past. And true, I have talked about the self-destructive nature of game-playing and how anyone past the age of 14 should know better than to puff up and put on a show when trying to attract a mate. (Case and point: I had a guy once who, before ever asking me out, wrote a short story about us being betrothed lovers in an attempt to win my affection. This was 11 years ago, and to my knowledge the poor fellow is still single….shocker.)

But today I’m not talking about games, or putting on facades, or making grand albeit cheesy gestures to catch a person’s eye.

Today I’m talking about lying.

Example.

So I have this friend- a lovely girl we’ll call Katie- who recently had a fling with a nice looking fellow we’ll refer to as Tom. (Tom and Katie? Perhaps I should stop reading Star Magazine quite so much.) ANYWAYS, Tom and Katie met briefly at a cocktail party, and then struck up a lively rapport via Facebook. Message after message was sent detailing each of their lives, interests, hopes and dreams. Then came the five-hour phone calls, and before she knew what hit her Katie was swept away in the encouraging words of her newfound beloved.

And then the dating began.

Katie was admittedly hopeful; Tom was a funny, intelligent, well-spoken man, and as he was a few years her senior Katie was sure he was as mature as he was old.

She fretted over what clothes to wear, worried about what to say, and most of all fussed about how much chemistry they seemed to have and how badly she didn’t want to lose it.

“He said I’m the first girl he’s been truly captivated by in years,” Katie said one night over a plate of Mont nachos. “I mean, he seems genuinely intrigued.”

Even from my position as the overly-cynical friend, I could understand why her hopes were sky-high…

But unfortunately for Katie, Tom was a liar.

True to jackhole-man-form, he was 110% overly committed at the start of their courtship. He was lovey-dovey and romantic, and acted as if his eyes had never beheld such a beautiful sight as Katie.

Then, as Katie became more comfortable and therefore more attached, Tom suddenly grew distant…uneasy, even, and things between the two of them became instantly strained.

Anxious texts began pouring into my inbox as Katie struggled to understand what was happening. “Did I do something to scare him off?” She wondered. “Did I say something wrong?”

And as she explained to me his recent ambiguity and the dreams he described that more and more did not include her, it became clear to me exactly what Tom was:

A liar.

We all know the type; they make grandiose promises and then never follow through on them, and they hop from relationship to relationship blaming their inability to commit on the people they date. They tell stories of relationship-obsessed freaks who hear wedding bells on the second date, and they say things like, “He was always pressuring me to commit, and he was stifling my true self.”

And that, my friends, is total BS.

In the case of Tom and Katie, Tom was an older yet surprisingly immature bachelor who liked the game of chasing a girl more than winning the prize. And Katie, like many women her age, was a skeptical yet trusting person who believed the words that Tom said to her. Because, why wouldn’t she? What reason did he have to lie?

This type of deceit is my newest dating pet-peeve, and I think those who practice it should be promptly sterilized. Though Katie is a tough girl and didn’t let Tom’s foolery (ha, get it?) crush her, many others are not so fortunate and end up battling self-doubt for months following a break-up. I, in fact, was once so rapidly thrown from what I thought was a forward-moving relationship that it took literally a year of turmoil to finally overcome it…and to this day I hesitate to trust the people I love the most.

So if you’re the type of guy (or girl, because lying is tragically gender-neutral) who deceives to win a person’s affection, I proffer this warning:

If you must lie to attract someone, and in attracting said person lose interest, then you are seriously messed up in the head. I’m not even kidding; you, my friend, need some intense psychotherapy. Lying never, ever leads to happiness, and being the kind of person who will say anything to get what you want will eventually result in you being blacklisted from the entire dating world. I myself am working to get Tom blacklisted right now.

So stop being such a pansy, and tell the truth the next time you’re on a date. If you’re not sure if you want a relationship, say it. If the idea of monogamy makes your skin crawl, SAY IT. No, you might not go home with a handsome man/ladyfriend on your arm, but you don’t really want to anyways.

And to my friends out there like Katie, who have had their affection met with rejection time and time again, I promise you none of it will be in vain. For one day you will find that person who will act like he loves you and then say the words, and you’ll realize once and for all it really wasn’t you all those other times, it was them.

And if my bill becomes a law, they’ll all be sterilized soon anyway.

Much love.

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