I have this friend, Gigi, and she’s adorable, but somewhat controlling.  Everything in her world has its certain place: making her room always clean, her shoes the perfect match to every outfit, and all her t’s crossed.  While some call her an organizational freak and others call her ‘such a mom’, I like to think of her as just a little bit like Monica from Friends.  At least that’s what I tell myself because..okay, I have a confession–That adorable controlling girl isn’t my friend.  It’s me!

I was a little girl who had a separate box for her Barbie’s shoes, so that none of them would go missing.  I have a cathartic release of pleasure when the living room and kitchen are clean.  And I find happiness in file folders, sticky notes, pretty much any office supply that can keep my desk in order.

Oh, god, I sound like a crazy person, don’t I?  I’m just trying to say that I like things a certain way, so I feel like I can take on my day to day life.  With the end of the year and graduation a few short weeks away, I’ve thought more and more about letting go, saying goodbye.  To be honest (gosh, I’m being way too honest in this blog)–I am terrified.  I get to figure out my future, yay, right?  Look for a job, a new apartment, still keep trying to find a job, and really have absolutely no control for awhile.

I don’t like to be pessimistic.  I try and be sunshine all the time, but it’s hard to smile when you’re scared.  I’ve had a sour-grape mindset about graduation for weeks until this weekend when I got rejected from the last grad school I’d applied to and then promptly went on a date and had to let go.

You heard me right.  Despite my 3.7 GPA, talented writing skills, and good letters of recommendation, I didn’t get in to an out-of-state grad school, and as I mentioned earlier must enter the work force.  Now how did a date help me realize that what everyone has been telling me, “it’ll be okay”, is true and that despite my sarcasm, I am actually very excited to graduate?

Well, my date made me nervous.  You know, when you feel like you’re going to throw up, your hand is shaky as you apply eyeliner and you just tell yourself over and over not to trip or make a stupid joke or say too much.  That’s how I felt, but I didn’t let the fear take over (and my eyeliner was straight, thank you).  I went on my date and had fun, and I remembered.

I remembered all the good and bad dates that I’ve been on.  Some of my past dates could have come right out of a romantic movie, but more often and I mean way more often than not, the dates I’ve gone on are far from perfect.  But I still roll with the punches.

I’ve had to watch a little kid movie because all the grown-up ones were sold out.  I’ve gone to a baseball game only to get caught in a really bad downpour (yeah, we didn’t bring an umbrella).  I’ve had to dog-sit because my date had an emergency when I met him, and he couldn’t leave his new puppy alone.  I’ve gone to Kohls during downtime between dinner and a movie.  And I’ve definitely tripped, told a stupid joke, and said way too much.

But these were all good dates.  Really, on every single one of those dates I laughed and smiled and was myself.  I’ve had friends who have gone to IHop on their first date, gotten lost going to the restaurant and missed their reservation, and gotten sick on a carnival ride.  But you know, we’re still saying bring it on.

Why?  Because we accept the crazy roller coaster of love, wear our hearts on our sleeves, and let go when the situation gives us no other options.  I guess that’s how I should try and approach the rest of my life too.  Yes, I’m still terrified, and it probably won’t be easy, but I’m sure I’ll find my bright future out there somewhere among all the duds.

I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but if your scared about what’s coming next, even if you’re not graduating, just remember to take a deep breath and don’t look back.  Now, I’m sure this is much, much easier said than done, trust me, I’m sure I’ll still be trying to cross all my t’s everyday, but I’m also going to try to laugh at life like it’s one un-perfect date, just let go, and smile. XOXO

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control, Dates, graduation